The holidays are here and it’s the most wonderful time of the year, right? While that may be what most of the world tells us to feel, if you’ve recently lost a loved one, you might not agree. You might even feel uncomfortable or disloyal celebrating during a season of grief, and that’s understandable. So how do you cope during a season of joy when you might not feel so joyful?
There are a few things you can do that may help ease that feeling. If the thought of participating in family traditions brings dread instead of joy, consider talking to your loved ones about how this year might feel different for you. Starting a new tradition that honors your loved one’s memory could be comforting. For instance, you might coordinate a family donation in the loved one’s name to a cause he or she cared about, create a special ornament or decoration to hang in his or her honor, or prepare and deliver a holiday meal for a family in need. Whatever helps you feel closer to your loved one’s memory can make the season feel more meaningful and more in tune with the season.
But what if you just don’t feel like participating? It’s important to know that grief looks different for everyone. What helped someone else may not work for you. Give yourself some space to feel your feelings, treat yourself with kindness and grace, and make your needs and concerns known. Most people want to help and comfort someone who is grieving but aren’t sure how. So, if you know what you want and need, voice that so others can support you. Say no to invitations if you aren’t up to attending, and if you do go, take your own transportation so you can leave when you get tired or overwhelmed.
It’s also important to rest when you need it - grief can be exhausting. Pausing to rest can help you manage the waves of feelings as they come. “There is no timeline on grief,” said Blount Memorial Home Services social worker Stacy Hillenbrand. “It’s important to be mindful of our grief triggers when they arise so that we can make a plan for coping in the future. That’s why therapy can be an important resource for people after a loss,” she added.
Self-care is another key part of navigating grief. “If we are unable to get back to a normal routine or if other areas of our life become deeply affected, it would be important to speak to a primary care doctor or a mental health therapist,” Hillenbrand explained. “Sometimes we need a little extra help, whether through medication, talking with someone about how we are feeling or even both together,” Hillenbrand said. Self-care also looks different for everyone, but the important thing is to do something that makes you feel better. During this season, challenge yourself to seek out available resources and reach out to someone if you feel it’s needed. It is possible to be happy and feel joy again. The grief will ease and holiday joy will return in time.
If you or someone you know isn’t feeling quite right this holiday season, reach out to your primary care physician. If you don’t have one, visit blountmemorial.org for local providers.
